I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
