bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
