If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize