I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying