So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.