Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
