You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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