How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
