Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
