1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
