I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
