I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
