her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
