I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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