Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
