I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
