I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
