i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
