i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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