I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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