Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
