shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
