All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
