So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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