We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
