I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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