The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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