The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
