he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How does one acquire holy water?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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