Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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