She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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