I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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