u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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