I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
