We're facebook friends in real life
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
