She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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