I want to make a zoo with you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
