White coat. Heels.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
