the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do vagina's smell?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
