my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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