did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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