We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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