I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
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I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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