nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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