the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
