i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
