I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
