his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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