we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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