Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize