I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
