last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
