Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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