I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
