My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Plan B is the new Plan A
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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