dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
