I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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